The Village That Walked
by Purple Butter
Summary: Four different incarnations of the Doctor and his companions are drawn to a 19th century village where the the buildings move, the people aren't quite right and there is a constant, peculiar smell. Can anything stop the advance of the Dark Spawn?
1. Past and Future

"Get down!"

The Doctor tackled the red haired human in front of him. The two of them hit the cold grating of the TARDIS floor in a heap of tangled limbs as a missile flew over their heads and hit the central console, causing the whole ship to shake.

"Oi! Watch my neck!" Donna Noble said as she sat up and rubbed the spot where the Time Lord had dragged her down.

"Would you rather I let your head be blown into a dozen pieces?" the Doctor said sarcastically. He pointed his sonic screwdriver at the doors of the TARDIS and they slammed shut in their pursuers' faces.

"I don't think the Second Great and Supreme Roman Empire appreciated your Latin, Donna." The Doctor continued as he dashed around the central console in his usual manner. "I think you told the empress her mother was a dead, stinking salmon. Tricky language, Latin. We've all been there."

"Not my fault they speak such a silly language." Donna grumbled as she joined her friend. "Didn't the rocket damage the TARDIS?" She noticed the console seemed completely unharmed.

"Missile."

"What?"

"It was a missile, not a rocket. There is a technical difference."

"I don't blooming care about your technical difference!"

"It's not _my_ technical difference. You see –"

"So how's the TARDIS?" Donna said, slightly louder than was strictly necessary.

The Doctor looked a bit peeved at being cut off. "A nuclear bomb couldn't damage this box and, believe me, someone tried."

Suddenly, a shrill beeping noise emitted from the console.

Donna covered her ears. "What have you done?" She shouted over the loud noise.

"I didn't do anything!" The Doctor shouted back as he produced a pair of fluffy pink earmuffs from one of his pockets and placed them atop his head.

"You look ridiculous!" Donna said in-between bouts of laughter.

"Ridiculous and practical!" The Doctor countered. The beeping continued.

"What is that noise?"

"What?"

"I said; what is that noise?"

"What?"

"Take off those earmuffs!"

"No! They were a gift from my godmother!"

"Wait, you can hear me?"

"Yes!"

"I hate you sometimes!"

The Doctor gave his trademark cheeky grin and checked the console. "It's a distress signal. Do you want to trace it?"

"Will that shut it up?"

"Yes!"

"Then, yes!"

"What?"

"Watch it, Spaceman!"

* * *

><p>Jo Grant walked into the UNIT garage with a cup of tea in hand. Both of the Doctor's vehicles stood in the cramped, messy room. The blue police box stood in the corner and the yellow vintage car stood in the centre, a steady stream of oil pouring from it.<p>

"Doctor? I got you your tea?"

The Doctor crawled out from under the car and took the hot drink from his assistant. "Thank you, Jo."

"So what exactly are you working on?" Jo asked as she sat down on a nearby barrel.

"I'm fixing Bessie's remote transdimensional diptomintor. It's proving to be rather more difficult than I imagined."

Jo pretended that she understood whatever on Earth the Doctor had just said. "Couldn't you just use the sonic screwdriver to fix Bessie?"

"A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting. Besides, I don't want to use the sonic screwdriver for everything; I could become dependent."

"Is it supposed to be doing that?" Jo pointed to the ever growing stream of oil flowing from the car.

The Doctor paused for an awkward few moments. "Yes, of course it is."

The garage was suddenly filled with a high-pitched bleeping sound.

Jo fell off the barrel due to the sudden shock and the Doctor immediately looked at the TARDIS in a hawk-like manner.

"What is that?" Jo shouted over the noise as the Doctor helped her up.

"It sounds like a distress signal to me! Or perhaps the TARDIS is telling me my laundry is done! It's difficult to tell sometimes!"

"Only one way to find out!" Jo shouted again.

"My thoughts exactly! Come along, Miss Grant!"

The two of them entered the TARDIS and, just as it dematerialised, Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart entered the garage. He noticed the fading outline of the police box.

"Perfect." The Brigadier muttered. "One of these days….."

* * *

><p>"Cheers, Professor." Ace said as she leant against the TARDIS console and swung her brand new baseball bat around. "I still say we chuck it into the heart of the TARDIS and energise it up like my last one."<p>

"Time Lord technology is a not a toy, Ace." The Doctor said as he tinkered on the TARDIS console. "The Hand of Omega was dangerous enough; I'm not letting you play around with my TARDIS!"

"We wouldn't even be having this conversation if you had let me buy the grenade launcher like I wanted, Professor."

"Watch where you're swinging that thing!" The Doctor said as he used his umbrella to block a careless bat swing from his companion. "Guns are for cowards, Ace."

"If that why you once used a gun to cook a Cybermen fool?" Ace said with a cheeky grin.

"How do you –"

"The TARDIS let me access some of her visual records." The teenager explained.

"Special circumstances." The Doctor said grimly. However, his usual playful demeanour instantly reasserted itself; "Perhaps I should have said; guns are for people with no imagination."

Suddenly, a piercing beeping noise sounded throughout the control room. The Time Lord and his companion covered their ears.

Ace tried to speak over the racket. "What's –"

"It's a distress signal!"

"Are w –"

"Yes!"

* * *

><p>"So, how have you been? What's new?" The Doctor asked as he closed the door behind his passenger and dashed towards the central console.<p>

"I'm still serving twelve thousand life sentences, sweetie." Doctor River Song said as she walked towards the console and its energetic user. "So not much is new, I'm afraid."

"Well, that's a shame. But I'll tell you what the antidote to A Shame is; Centauri Twelve's air. It's said to be the cleanest air in the universe. Just breathing it in for a few minutes increases your lifespan by at least ten years!"

"That sounds lovely, sweetie. Consider it a date."

"Unfortunately, the air is only breathable by mongooses."

"What? Why?"

"I'm sworn to secrecy."

River had learnt from experience that it was best not to question the Doctor's more eccentric remarks. Not unless you want hours of your time wasted.

An extremely loud beeping noise suddenly filled the control room.

"What's that?" The Doctor shouted as he covered his ears with a pair of fluffy pink earmuffs he had produced from his tweed jacket.

"A distress signal!" River shouted.

"How do you know that?"

"You told me!"

"When?"

"Spoilers!"

"Well, I'm answering it! I love a good distress signal!"

"Not until I get changed!" River made her way past the Doctor and towards the TARDIS wardrobe.

"Wear something practical!" The Doctor shouted after the archaeologist.

"Practical? Me? Never!"

* * *

><p>The four Time Lords stood; staring slack jawed at each other, in the corn field. The human companions hovered behind their respective Doctors, trying to make sense of the situation. Four almost identical police boxes stood like lonely sentinels in the windy field.<p>

"Well," The Doctor in the blue pinstriped suit said.

"This is," The Doctor in the tweed jacket continued.

"Certainly," The Doctor in the jumper said.

"Most peculiar." The Doctor in the red suit finished.

"This is the Omega thing all over again, isn't it Doctor?" Jo said to her Doctor.

"Very good, Jo. Except it seems these chaps are from my future, not my past."

"Donna!" The youngest-looking Doctor noticed the redhead for the first time and pulled her into a crushing hug. "Great to see you again!" Donna looked like she didn't know whether to be shocked, disgusted or both.

"Sweetie, would you mind filling me in on what exactly is going on here?" River, wearing a rather impractical green party dress, said with the slightest hint of jealousy.

The other three Doctors all turned to each other. "Sweetie?" They all silently mouthed.

The Doctor let go of Donna (who was could now finally able to breathe again) and turned to River. "I thought you had pictures of all my faces?"

"What?" Why would I –"

"Oh, nevermind. Spoilers!"

"Why are there other TARDISes here?" Donna said angrily as she poked an accusing finger in her Doctor's chest. "You said you were the last one. Is that what you do? Lie to people to make them feel sorry for you?"

"Last one?" The Doctor with the umbrella said. "What does she mean by that?"

"Yes, what?" Jo's Doctor said.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Donna's Doctor quickly said to his two past selves. He looked at his future self and his future companion and then back to the fuming redhead. "Spoilers, Donna. Spoilers."

Donna seemed to take the hint and calmed down.

"Wait," Ace said. "I think I've worked it out, Professor. This lot are from your future!"

"Very good, Ace." Her Doctor said with a kindly smile. "Except those two," he used his umbrella to point at Jo Grant and her Doctor, "they're from my past. Hello again, Jo!" He tipped his hat to the young blonde.

"Wait, you knew?" Ace asked.

"Of course!"

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"I wouldn't be much of a teacher then, would I?" He said in a tone that implied such a fact should be obvious.

"So these are your past incarnations, sweetie?" River said as she looked over the Doctor's past selves. "It's nice to see you used to have style," she looked at the skinny Doctor in the pinstriped suit, "and I love an older gentleman." She looked at the Doctor in the stylish, red suit.

Donna laughed. "Him? Style?"

"Oh, shut up." Her Doctor said as he rolled his eyes.

"Someone send out a distress signal and brought all four of us here. Why?" One of the Doctors went off on a tangent.

"A trap?" Another Doctor suggested, as he joined in.

"Oh, I do like a good trap!" Another of the Doctors commented.

"I say we spring the trap!" The other Doctor said.

"But what if they're expecting that?"

"But what if they're expecting us to expect that?"

"Then we expect that they will expect us to except that!"

"Alright, stop!" Donna yelled and the four Time Lords instantly stopped. "This is getting really confusing! I can't tell which of you is saying what!"

"You need codenames. Like in UNIT." Jo said.

"Or like in spy films!" Ace piped up.

"Fine." Donna's Doctor said. "I'll be Sir Brilliant McAllons-y."

"I'll be Monsieur Geronimo DeBowtie." River's Doctor said.

"I think we should apply the codenames, sweetie." River said with an exacerbated sigh.

"Couldn't agree with you more." Donna said.

"You're the Dandy Doctor." Jo said as she pointed at her Doctor. "That's what you're past self called you."

"I rather like it. It has a nice ring to it."

"You're the Professor Doctor." Ace said to her Doctor.

"Ace, that's a tautology. You see…oh, nevermind. Fine."

"You're the Skinny Doctor." Donna said to her Doctor.

"I'm very tempted to start binge eating just so you'll stop calling me that, Donna. But, fine."

River saw the pleading look in her Doctor's eyes. She decided to throw him a bone. "Fine. You can be the Bowtie Doctor."

"Yes!" He almost jumped with glee. He turned to his past selves. "Bowties are cool!"

"Please tell me you're not the one straight after me." The Skinny Doctor said.

"Alright, I'm not."

"Oh, thank –"

"But I am really."

"What? Then why did you –"

"Because you told me to!"

"Where are we anyway?" Donna decided to cut them off before it escalated.

"Earth." The Professor Doctor said. "This type of corn can only grow on Earth. And judging by the level of pollution in the air," he sniffed the air, "it's the late nineteenth century and we're somewhere in the east of the United States of America. There's also a small town a mile or two away."

"Oh, I'm good." The Skinny Doctor said in awe.

"Don't you hate it when he shows off?" River whispered to the other companions.

"Oh, definitely." Donna whispered back.

"He never stops." Ace said.

Jo giggled. "Looks like some things never change!"

The companions noticed that the Doctors were staring at them.

"Were you talking about us?" The Dandy Doctor said.

"No." All the companions said in unison. They then burst out laughing.

"Alright, come on, we're heading to that town!" The Skinny Doctor said louder than necessary in an attempt to shut them up. "Allons-y!"

* * *

><p><strong>This is properly going to be more of a horror story but I really can't resist injecting some humour; it's just too fun to write! Reviews commenting on the characterisation, the plotting, the humour etc will be most appreciated.<strong>


	2. The Village and the Creature

The bizarre band of eight made their way down the long, straight road. The setting sun cast an orange glow across the road and the corn fields that flanked it. All was quiet except for the Doctors' constant bickering among each other.

"How can you argue with yourself?" Donna muttered to herself as she glared at the squabbling Time Lords.

"You'd be surprised." River said. "I really don't get on with teenage me. She's such a little brat!"

"Do you always talk rubbish?" Donna said.

"Oh, do I ever."

"You're the perfect match for him then."

"Is there something going on between you and the Professor?" Ace asked as she and Jo caught up to the two older women.

"Depends on who you ask." River said as she glanced at the Time Lords a few metres ahead of the group of women.

"No getting a straight answer out of you, then." Donna muttered.

Jo decided to change the subject before the situation escalated. "I was expecting a quiet day when I woke up this morning. And now the Doctor is arguing with himself."

"When you run with the Doctor, there are no quiet days." River said.

"Tell me about it." Ace laughed. "Daleks, vampires from the future, knights from a different dimension….."

"The Silence, Nazis, impossible astronauts….." River continued.

"Killer mannequins, Ogrons, the Master….." Jo said.

"Living fat, Ood, Sontarans….." Donna said. "It's worth it though isn't it?"

"Oh, definitely." River said.

"I'm telling you, its 1894!" The Professor Doctor's Scottish brogue rang out through the area. "The nose knows!"

"No, it's 1895!" The Skinny Doctor said in frustration. "Just look at the level of pollution in the atmosphere!"

"I am. And it's telling me it's 1894."

"Nonsense!" The Dandy Doctor interrupted his two future selves. "My nose is the youngest here and it's telling me it's 1893."

"Oh, alright big nose." The Skinny Doctor muttered.

"Do be quiet, baby face."

"Baby face? I'm several centuries older than you!"

Suddenly, the group was alerted by a noise. The Bowtie Doctor burst out of the forest of corn to their right. He had somehow snuck off without anyone noticing.

"I've found a town!" He said as he brushed the corn and mud off his jacket. "A nice, big town! With people and buildings and all those other town-y things! Come on, I'll show you!" With that, he ran off into the crops again.

The Skinny Doctor waved the companions over. "Come on, girls. Allons-y!"

"It's filthy in there." The Dandy Doctor said as he wrinkled his nose.

"Afraid to get dirty, granddad?" The Skinny Doctor said.

"Granddad? I'm several centuries younger than you!"

The group made their way through the tall corn stalks, following the distant outline of the Bowtie Doctor.

"Sweetie, do slow down!" River called after him. "One of us happens to be wearing a dress! And it's not you this time!"

River saw the looks she was getting from the other Doctors and their companions.

"Long story. There was a train robbery and an angry cyborg."

"Oh, why did I wear heels today?" Jo muttered to herself as she almost tripped over for the fifth time.

They eventually made it out of the corn field and found themselves looking out on a small, old-fashioned village. The Bowtie Doctor was waiting for them. "What took you so long?" He said.

"It's a village not a town. My nose isn't what it used to be." The Professor Doctor lamented.

"You're telling me." The Dandy Doctor said. "You can't even get the year right."

"Now you listen here –"

"Anyway, why don't we pay the locals a visit?" Donna interrupted. "I hear 1893 is lovely this time of year." The redhead made her way down the hill towards the village.

"1894!" The Professor Doctor yelled at her.

"You seem a bit highly strung today, Professor." Ace said after the others had followed Donna's lead. "What's wrong?"

"This is wrong, Ace. This whole situation is wrong. All four of us shouldn't be here at the same time. The universe should have a Belgium-sized hole in it by now, but it doesn't. And –" he glanced down at the Skinny Doctor and the Bowtie Doctor, "- no man should know his own future. It can drive one insane."

"Well, if I notice that the universe is exploding, you'll be the first to know."

"That's what I love about humans. Always laughing and joking, even in the face of oblivion. Now, come along Ace, let's catch up with the others."

As the peculiar band of eight made their way into the village, the locals gave them a lot of funny looks. The sun had just set and darkness was falling across the streets.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor." The Bowtie Doctor said as he walked up to a local and extended his arm for a handshake.

"Aren't you a little young to be a doctor?" The local said with a raised eyebrow. The other Doctors shook as they tried to contain their laughter.

"I'll have you know I have over fifteen hundred qualifications and –"

"You're not from around here are you?" He continued in his American drawl.

"How do you know that?"

"Ask me how I know that in your thick accent again."

The other Doctors joined the conversation. "Sorry, don't mind him," the Skinny Doctor said, "He's a bit simple. I'm John Smith, traveling doctor." He presented his psychic paper to the man.

"Is that psychic paper?" The Dandy Doctor said to the Skinny Doctor. "I've always wanted one of those."

"It's just a blank piece of paper." The man said in the same bored monotone he had used for the rest of the conversation.

"On second thoughts, perhaps not." The Dandy Doctor said.

"But that doesn't make any sense! I mean it always – look I am a travelling doctor!" The Skinny Doctor rambled.

"Whatever you say, pal." The man said as he lit a cigar. "And I'm Santa Claus."

"Well, Santa," The Bowtie Doctor said. "We're all travelling doctors and they are," he gestured at the companions, " the plucky young girls who help us out."

"Don't you feel like slapping him sometimes?" River muttered.

"Oh, do I ever." Donna said.

A young girl with bushy brown hair walked over to the group of companions. "You'll have to excuse my father," she said, "He doesn't like strangers."

"Oh, it's fine." Ace said. "The Doctor needs to be taken down a few pegs every now and then anyway. I'm Ace."

"Elizabeth Silver. Ace? What a peculiar name! And a peculiar fashion of dress too I might add!"

"It's the fashion where I'm from." Ace said.

"And where would that be?"

"Perivale."

"Where's that?"

"It's the capital of Freedonia." Donna said. River suppressed a laugh.

"Well, it looks very nice on you." Elizabeth said to Ace.

"Thanks." Ace said. "I'm not one for dresses but yours looks great on you."

"Ah, she plays for the other side." Donna said quietly to River and Jo. "I can always tell."

"I've never met," Jo paused for a moment, "One of them before."

"Just wait until you get to the Eighties." Donna said.

Suddenly, there was an ear-splitting scream from a few streets away. The Doctors immediately leapt into action and dashed off down the street.

"Sorry Lizzie, duty calls!" Ace ran off after the Time Lords, closely followed by Donna, Jo and River. When the companions eventually caught up with the Doctors, the street was deserted and the Bowtie Doctor was carrying a rifle.

"You don't look good with a gun, sweetie." River said as she supported a panting Donna. "Not your style."

"Consider this a wedding present." The Bowtie Doctor said as he handed River the rifle.

"It's what I've always wanted, sweetie." River said as she examined the old-fashioned, bolt action rifle.

"It went that way." The Bowtie Doctor continued as he pointed at a side street between two of the wooden buildings.

"What did?" Jo asked.

"No idea. It."

"We have a very clever and ever so slightly dangerous plan." The Skinny Doctor said.

"If my knowledge of late nineteenth American architecture is accurate, and it is, that side street will lead into a courtyard." The Professor Doctor said. "We're going to trap it."

* * *

><p>The courtyard was a large hexagon with three exits. These exits had bulky, wooden gates that could be closed to block the way. Various currently empty market stands and barrels full of produce were littered around the area. Thanks to the Doctor's ridiculously complex knowledge of this period's architecture, the group had had a chance to plan in advance.<p>

"Allons-y, Jo Grant!" The Skinny Doctor said as he used all his strength to push one of the large gates shut.

"I'm trying, Doctor!" Jo complained as she pushed at the same gate.

With their combined strength, the gate slowly shut and the Doctor used his sonic screwdriver to lock it. On the other side of the gate, they could hear something lumbering around.

"What is it, Doctor?" Jo hesitantly whispered.

"No idea. Didn't get a good look at it. Unless –" The Skinny Doctor peeked through a small crack in the wooden gate. "Oh, you are beautiful."

At one of the other exits, the Bowtie Doctor and Donna had just closed their gate in a similar fashion.

"Doctor –" Donna said.

The Doctor hushed her as, sonic screwdriver in hand, he pressed his ear against the gate and listened to the life form hulking around behind it.

"Doctor, is there something going on between you and that River woman?" I mean, really –"

"Now?" The Bowtie Doctor whispered with barely contained frustration. "You want to talk about this now, Donna Noble?"

"Why not now? I'm curious!"

"Why not now? Because there's a great big Whatever mere feet from us!"

"Is Whatever a scientific term?"

"It is now!"

At the third exit, the Dandy Doctor and Ace had just sealed their gate with little difficulty.

"The Professor's going to be alright, isn't he?" Ace said as he unsheathed her baseball bat from her backpack just to be safe.

"Of course he will, my dear. He's me." The Dandy Doctor said with a smile as he put his sonic screwdriver back in his coat pocket.

Suddenly, the gate buckled as something struck it from the other side. Ace was startled but the Doctor remained stoic.

"It's certainly very strong." He observed. "But not very bright. Never a good combination."

"Sounds like the bullies at my school." Ace said.

"Quite."

The Professor Doctor stood in the courtyard, watching the creature lumber about. It was tall, thin and roughly ten feet tall. It didn't have any particular body shape, as its mass was constantly shifting. It seemed to be composed of a pitch black, almost tar like substance. It didn't have any limbs and moved around in a similar manner to a slug or a snail. And the Doctor had no idea what it was.

The strange creature, giving up on the gates and realising that it was trapped, began advancing towards the only other life form in the courtyard.

"Stop right there." The Professor Doctor said calmly.

River Song, on her cue, leapt out of a barrel on the other side of the courtyard. She cocked her bolt action rifle whilst shaking the corn out of her hair. She had snuck in their whilst the creature was distracted with the closing gates and now looked like she'd been caught in a shower of corn.

The creature's head (or the closest thing it had to a head) turned around without the rest of its body following suit and looked at the gun-wielding woman. It then looked down at its "feet" and realised that it was standing on top of several homemade explosives.

"My friend Ace was kind enough to supply us with the Nitro-9 she wasn't carrying." The Professor Doctor said in the same calm tone. "Now stay perfectly still or you'll be nothing but a footnote in the history of stupidity."

The creature didn't give a sign that it had understood, but neither did it move.

"Now, let's have a chat. Get to know each other better."


End file.
